Precedent of Paragon: Am I My Sibling's Keeper?

Am I My Sibling's Keeper?

Christmas was fast approaching on the Citadel, and there was an unmistakable hurry noticeable in the people present on the immense space station. It was a hurry which reporters on the station were quickly taking notice of and exploiting for Christmas season filler on their networks.

"So tell me. Why did you decide to put off your Christmas shopping until the last minute?" Emily Wong wanted to know of one Krogan who was standing in the checkout line by a giftshop, arms filled to the brim with books, surprisingly. More interestingly, they were all cookbooks. Shepherd wisely decided not to get closer to inquire about why. Emily brushed some of her perfectly-cut black hair to the side, the brownish-scaled Krogan "harrumphing" as he shrugged.

"Well, fer one, it's a tradition. Kinda like you always asking that damn question of us every year." He told her as Emily cringed a bit, deciding to take a step back, taking notice of the Normandy crew, Nick especially, holding up a present for her with her name clearly written on an enormous nametag.

"Ohh, you got that for me?" She asked. "Thanks!" She cheerily intoned, taking the present with a big, beaming grin as she looked the crew over. "Whatever are you doing on the citadel, though?"

"We have had a harrowing couple of days. We're taking some time off." Commander Shepherd explained as he gestured at his crew, Ashley smiling broadly as she showed off a new, spangly set of armor.

"You look like a candy cane." Emily admitted to Ms. Williams as Ashley just smiled.

"I know. I love candy canes. It's the perfect armor for the season. The entire crew is doing a secret santa and this was my gift."

"Somebody gave you yours early? That's nice." Emily admitted as she thoughtfully nodded her head, looking back at Shepherd as he put a hand on her shoulder.

"And I owe you an interview, I believe, so…"

"Why, Commander Shepherd, how nice of you to remember tha-" Emily began to say before her eyes widened, seeing somebody over the commander's shoulder that was barreling towards the group like a slasher towards a bimbo in the ocean in a bad 80's movie. "Oh no oh no oh no! Run! Run for your life!" She told them, taking off on the spot as everyone else in the gift shop turned, seeing who was behind Commander Shepherd.

It was as if the plague itself had come to life and was now sweeping towards them. Everyone gasped and shrieked and yelled, bolting out of line, racing for the exits. The storekeeper "eeped", the terrified Salarian diving into the nearby closet with a cry of "No Habla Engles"! as the Krogan that Emily had been speaking to dropped all of his presents and dove like a maniac behind the counter, the Normandy crew turning around to see what all the fuss was-

"Oh f—k me." Garrus groaned.

"Khalisah al-Jilani! Westerland News!" An aggravating voice rang out through the air, a bright, glaring white light from a floating camera droid that was hovering by the side of a woman. She had cheek-length black hair, piercing eyes, a long sleeve blue jacket with a red undershirt that had long golden trimming lines running across, making her almost look like a snake. It didn't help that she also had a slightly pointed nose and, again…that voice. The voice.

"Um…yes, and, ah…you'd like what, exactly?" Shepherd nervously murmured, the droid hovering around his head now as the others inched away, not wanting to get close to him.

"You've been given the unique position to represent our race in the Spectres. People want to get a sense of how you'll do that. They want know more about you." Khalisah al-Jilani inquired as she held up her omni-tool, quickly typing away onto it's controls as the camera drone shot back to her side and focused intensely on Shepherd's face.

"Alright, ah…ask away, I suppose." Shepherd remarked, holding his hands behind his back, trying to look composed and dignified as Khalisah al-Jilani held up her omni-tool, recording everything as his crew glanced at each other.

"Should we go help him?" Tali whispered.

"Why is everyone so scared of her?" Wrex muttered.

"You've never had to do an interview with Khalisah al-Jilani." Garrus muttered darkly. "I had to as part of an outreach program C-Sec was doing. She's not just some nosy reporter pushing your buttons. She's a pod person!"

"She can't be that bad." Nick said, rolling his eyes. "A free press is necessary for a democracy."

"A free and responsible press is necessary." Kaiden remarked, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "Westerland News is a friggin' tabloid news station with blatant anti-alien sympathies."

"Humanity's been trying to get the galactic community's attention for twenty six long years. With this in mind, what are your feelings on being the first HUMAN spectre?"

"I was positively amazed that they chose me. It's a high honor indeed and I intend to perform to the best of my abilities. The Spectres represent the best of every species in the galaxy. To be counted among them's a dream come true." Shepherd said with an unmistakable grin on his features, eyes glittering happily. This didn't seem so bad!

"Some have said that you being within the spectres is "throwing humans a bone"."

"Here we go." Kaiden muttered, Shepherd noticing a slightly more accustatory tone beginning to rise up in Ms. al-Jilani's voice.

"Have you ever encountered a situation where the Citadel Council asked you to put its needs over the needs of the Earth, your own species?" Khalisah al-Jilani inquired with a raised eyebrow, Shepherd shaking his head.

"It isn't like that. The Council is concerned with everybody's needs. Sure, we're on the agenda. But they've got a lot on their plate already and they can't put us before others. Everyone has to be treated equally and fairly."

"You really do believe that, don't you?" Khalisah al-Jilani inquired, looking somewhat surprised by this, scratching her head. "You think they can be trusted? Wow. I…anyhow! You've been given command of the most advanced human warship in history for your missions. Anything you'd like to say about it?"

"Well, actually, the Normandy is a beautiful blend of human and Turian designwork." Shepherd admitted as he wagged a gloved finger in the air. "It's incorporating many innovations, the best of both worlds. All of those innovations are classified, though. So I can't share any details."

"So the Turians have knowledge of your ship that's being kept secret from the Alliance public?" Khalisah al-Jilani remarked with an amused glint in her eyes, Shepherd's mouth almost falling open in shock.

"Uh, that isn't what I mea-"

"Do you think that's appropriate, to hand Earth's most powerful warship over to the Citadel?" Khalisah al-Jilani went on, voice sweet as honey as she rested her head on her fist and smiled.

Shepherd's temper slipped a notch.

"Wasn't aware it had been handed to them. I'm in command and so is most of my crew. It's my ship." He intoned. "And last time I checked, I was human."

"Oh, of course, but you are, in fact, working for the Citadel now, Commander." Khalisah al-Jilani added, wagging a finger in the air. "Speaking of your new job, is it true that the daughter of known terrorist Matriarch Benezia is working alongside you?"

Liara gaped at this. "The-the cheek of that woman!" She muttered.

"If you want, I can make her disappear. All I need is five minutes and three garbage bags." Wrex muttered softly. "It can be the Commander's Christmas present."

"Ohhh, so you're his secret sant-" Ashley began to say before he slapped his face, pulling it down slightly. "Wait, NO! No, you're not killing annoying tabloid reporters!"

"I'm already working on her punishment. How's this for a new scoop for Ms. Wong: "Khalisah al-Jilani is secretly a dude"?" Nick whispered. They were pretty sure he was kidding, but kidding on the square.

"I assure you, Ms. Liara T'Soni is not a terrorist. She's a valuable Prothean expert, a good friend, and a compassionate individual who deserves nothing but respect." Shepherd said, his tone becoming a bit more biting. This reporter was really starting to piss him off.

"Sir, do you think humanity will ever get the respect it deserves from the galactic community?" She inquired, Shepherd taking a deep breath before speaking.

"Ms. al-Jilani, respect is a funny thing. People always assume it's owed to them, but the truth is, it has to be earned. And I believe we can earn it. My very position is proof of that."

"You know, you're quite the idealist, Shepherd…but a sincere one, I can tell." She admitted. "I can respect that. Just one more question. Rumors back home say you're tracking a rogue Spectre named Saren Arterius. Is that really true? He's quite the big name, after all?"

"He was behind Eden Prime. And I urge anybody who has any information on his whereabouts whatsoever to immediately tell the Council, or to make a request to the Normandy posthaste." Shepherd said.

That knocked the smirking look off of her face, her mouth slightly widening. "Did…not actually know that, I…well! You heard it here first, folks!" She remarked, turning the camera droid towards herself. "Khalisah al-Jilani, Westerland News, signing off!" She added, quickly taking off, muttering hurredly under her breath. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy my editor is gonna frreeaaaak!"

"Thank God almighty she's gone." Shepherd groaned, slouching over slightly as Requisitions Officer Lucas headed over in their direction, Joker walking alongside him. "And thank goodness you two are here! How'd your bar visit go? Got to enjoy the "Santa Surprise", I assume?"

"I can't walk straight. But it might-HIC! Might be because of my brittle bone disease. Not really-HIC! Sure after five shots of the best Christmas vodka in the galaxy-HIC!" Joker hiccupped, old Lucas carefully patting him on the back.

"We also managed to find a Keeper in the bar. How's everyone been with scanning them like Mr. Chorban asked?" Lucas wished to know, holding up a scanner as Kaiden smirked and held up one himself.

"Check it out. I got 9."

"Blew my score out of the water. I only got 4." Garrus admitted.

"I found 3." Ashley remarked.

"2." Liara sighed. "They disturb me too much for me to feel comfortable approaching them."

"Same with me. They smell funny, too." Wrex added as Nick held up his scanner.

"I got 5 myself. So I guess this means we finally got enough to go see Chorban and give him the data we collected on those Keepers." Nick admitted as Lucas rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well, thing is, we might have a problem with that. We found somebody in the bar alongside the keeper. This guy was ranting to his beer glass and the bartender that C-Sec wouldn't listen to him. Said his partner Chorban was trying to "get him"." Lucas admitted.

"Who's the guy?" Ashley wanted to know, scratching her head.

Who's the guy indeed. The "guy" was a rather annoyed volus with white and slimy green armor, his tone slightly higher and more relaxed in pitch. But this might have been because he was so wasted that he was now stupidly bonking an empty beer glass against his intake tube. "Show him he can't push ol' Jahleed around. Big jerk!"

"Uh, Jahleed?" Shepherd called out, the volus turning away from his seat at the countertop as the smell of wine, beer and bad nuts drifted through the half bar, half gambling center. The nightclub known as "Flux" was fairly new to the Citadel, with a dance floor elevated by bright blue neon steps, the gambling station on a mezzanine above the bar. And sure enough, there was a keeper up in the mezzanine, waaaay in the back, as far away from the music coming out of the dance floor as possible.

"Yes?"

"We heard you were having an issue with your partner, Chorban? We've met with him before, is there something wrong with him?"

"You could-could say that." Jahleed muttered. "The fink's trying to kill me. And here I thought we were friends! He won't talk to me at work and worse still, he started following me! Followed me all the way home, yesterday, just-just waiting for a chance!" He whispered, obvious panic seeping into his voice.

Shepherd rubbed his chin. "Hmm. Is there anything I could do to help? I am a Spectre, after all."

"You'd do that?" Jahleed said, happily clasping his three-digited hands together with a cheery grin. "Oh, thank you, thank you! He said he wanted to meet in Chora's Den. Please, just tell him to leave me alone, I'd be forever in your debt!"

"We'll have a chat with him, make sure he's not up to anything and can't hurt you." Shepherd offered, giving Jahleed a firm nod before the bartender's assistant suddenly waved them over.

"Hey, listen. If you're going to Chora's Den, could you also do me a favor, sir?" The redheaded waitress/assistant asked of them, rubbing her hands nervously together, biting into her lip. "I'm Rita. You might have seen my sister Jenna there?"

They looked the woman over. Come to think of it, they had seen a woman with the same exact hair color and face down there. Just different in how the hair was styled. "You two are twins?"

"Yeah, Jenna wanted to take Chora's Den, but I don't think she understands how dangerous it is. The place isn't just a dive, the damn bar's a wretched hive of scum and villainy and I'm afraid she's going to get shot up one day. And the longer she spends time there, the more likely it'll happen!" Rita murmured, rubbing the back of her neck, an expression of concern coming to Ashley's face.

"We have to help her." She immediately said, turning to Shepherd and then nodding back at Rita. "Rita, I promise you. We'll go speak to your sister and get her out of there."

"Oh, would you?" Rita remarked, eyes widening as she clasped her hands together. "Thank you so much! You're such considerate people."

"Hey. It's Christmas, right?" Ashley said with a small smile, heading out of Flux with the rest of the gang following after, Shepherd raising an eyebrow up.

"You sure connected with her." He admitted.

"I've got my own little sister I always worry about. I'm not the only one of my family in the military, so I know how she feels." Ashley said as she put a hand on her chest and gave Shepherd a small nod, the crew making their way to the rapid transit system. Within a few minutes, they had arrived at Chora's Den and could see Chorba the Salarian was tossing back a red and green-swirled "Santa's Surprise", giggling a bit at the waitress before him. And sure enough, the nametag "Jenna" was clear to read on her tight dark red outfit as it glimmered in the pale reddish lights of Chora's Den.

"Y'know, I have got to find out how they get these two drinks to maintain their color and not become some freakish shade of-HIC-HIC-HIC!" Chorban hiccupped, shaking his head back and forth as Shepherd tapped him on the shoulder. "Ohhhh! Commander Shepherd! Mister Grey! My research-hic! Research team! How-how are things?"

"Think he's even cogent enough to get what we have to say?" Tali asked as Nick gave Shepherd a "you take this" look, Shepherd pointing accusingly at the Salarian.

"Chorban, I want the truth."

"Uh…just what do you mean? My…my experiments? There's-" Chorban began to stutter.

"We ain't buyin' it. Jahleed told us you'd been after him." Garrus snapped, folding his arms over his chest, shaking his head back and forth.

"Oh. You spoke with him? Then you know about the data?"

"Just tell us everything. Don't leave anything out." Shepherd demanded, Chorban hiccupping a bit before he took in a deep breath, sitting upright as best he could and then slowly sliding off the bench.

"It wasn't as bad as you might think, Commander. Jahleed and I just got slightly over our head." The Salarian insisted, holding his hands up. "The company we worked for developed an experimental procedure for use in medical scanners. Jahleed and I saw even more potential in this, so we copied the plans and secretly developed a tool to scan the keepers!"

"You stole the plans and tinkered with them to make a Keeper scanner?" Shepherd asked.

"Yes, but it was for a good cause! I mean, no tool can actually get readings from these things and if you try to capture one of them, they self-destruct on the spot!"

"Wait, seriously?!" Joker asked, glancing about at the others as they did the same. "As in "boom"?"

"Yes. Boom." Chorban admitted.

"I admit, this is true." Liara remarked. "Once when I visited the Citadel, I thought it would be intriguing to lock a keeper in a closet. I was in a rebellious stage of my life. Within five minutes the closet had…" She trailed off. "…it looked like somebody had exploded that Earthen dish, "guacamole", all over the closet after putting it into an oven. It smelled just like it too."

"When we found out this scanner could analyze the Keepers, well…the possibilities were fascinating!" Chorban said as he put a hand on his chest and beamed.

"But why are you freaking out Jahleed? He thinks you're trying to kill him." Nick asked, tilting his head slightly to the side.

Chorban looked surprised. "I'm not trying to kill him!" The Salarian said with a snort. "We were supposed to disseminate the findings, go public. That was his job. He's decided to keep the data for himself. Maybe to sell it or the like. I just wished to talk to him!"

"You two are idiots." Shepherd groaned, smacking his face and tugging it down, giving out a loud, low, moan. "I oughta slug you both!"

"I'm sorry, honestly. I didn't intend for this to get so out of control." Chorban apologized. "But would you still be willing to keep scanning the Keepers for us?"

Shepherd paced back and forth slightly, hands behind his back as the crew looked at each other. Shepherd rubbed his chin in a thoughtful fashion, then turned back to Chorban, "If it'll further the scientific cause, I don't really see the harm in letting you have the data. After all, it's not actually hurting anybody to scan the Keepers and the information we learn from them could be a big boost to our understanding of the Citadel itself. And I have good news for you." He admitted, holding one of the scanners up and smiling broadly. "We scanned over 25 of them, more than enough data for you to analyze."

Chorban beamed broadly. "Sir, you've no idea how happy that makes me!" He remarked, everyone handing over the scanners as the Salarian smiled back. "Thank you, thank you a thousand times over!" He said, pocketing the scanners in the pack slung over his back, heading out of Chora's Den as Ashley approached Jenna.

"Ms. Jenna, we aren't just here for him. We're here for you." She added quietly. "Your sister is worried about you."

"Ugh." Jenna moaned, rolling her eyes. "Look. I know what you're gonna say, but save it. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. You don't need to come to my rescue. I'm fine." She muttered.

"These people here will end you." Shepherd whispered. "And I would know, I had a fight with them when I took down Fist in this very bar."

"Yeah, well…I can take my chances." Jenna said quickly, shuffling away as Shepherd sighed, Ashley pinching the space between her eyes as she shook her head back and forth, the group heading for the doorway-

Before an oddly-familiar-to-Garrus Turian walked by them, halting briefly and whispering in their ears as they passed. "If you have questions about Jenna, meet me at C-Sec." He murmured.

"Wait, what-" Ashley murmured before the Turian shoved her back.

"Back off, human, I didn't say nothing to you!" The Turian said, heading for a nearby table as Garrus rubbed his chin before they made it outside of Chora's Den.

"I…wait a minute. I knew I recognized his face. If that's who I think it is-"

"Who is it?"

"Chellick. Ashley, you and Shepherd and I can talk to him. We'll handle this problem with Jenna."

…

…

…

… "Jahleed, you weren't entirely honest with us."

"Wh-what?" Jahleed murmured, gulping as Liara, Tali and Nick glared down at him, Lucas right behind them with Wrex as the old man cracked his knuckles. Or perhaps that was just normal bone cracking…Lucas was getting older, after all. "I-I don't know what you mean!"

"You neglected to tell us the fact you were holding onto the keeper data instead of publishing it, like you promised your partner that you would." Liara informed the volus as he gulped.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen. I was afraid Chorban would kill me to get the data!" The frightened Volus admitted.

"Look, we're not here to hurt you. Chorban didn't want to hurt you either. He hired us to help scan the keepers and we've gotten over twenty five of them. You just need to make up with him and analyze the data as a team, like you should." Tali reasoned.

"Really? You're-oh. OH! This changes everything!" Jahleed happily proclaimed. "If Chorban can forgive and forget, so can I. I'd better go analyze that data!" He admitted, quickly racing off as Nick smiled a bit.

"And best of all, it ended without anyone getting a bullet to the head." He intoned.

"I don't know if it's the Christmas spirit infecting me, but for some reason, I don't mind that at all." Wrex chuckled.

"You have a most decidedly dark sense of humor." Liara informed him with a roll of her eyes. "Yet I'm finding it almost charming."

Meanwhile, Garrus, Shepherd, Kaiden and Ashley were in the head of C-Sec's office, the turian Chellick sitting behind a desk, flanked by several computers as he steepled his black and blue-gauntleted hands, bright green eyes keenly examining them as they stepped into his office, a simple blue lamp to the left of him with a portrait of what appeared to be Executor Pallin and himself.

"I'm glad you're here." Chellick said, white paint coming down from his mouth in three strong stripes whilst two curved waves ran up his mandibles, the Turian sighing as he hung his head a little. "Can you close the door?"

"Certainly." Shepherd said, closing it tightly as Chellick took in a deep breath.

"No offense, Commander, but WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"Boy, I've heard that line before." Garrus chuckled as Shepherd gulped a bit, Kaiden glancing over at Ashley, eyebrow raised as she cringed. Poor Shepherd, she thought. He was about to be put through the wringer. She knew that kind of tone all too well.

"Excuse me?" Shepherd muttered, folding his arms over his chest.

"You could have blown Jenna's cover and given her a new nostril in the middle of her forehead! By the Spirits, I thought a Spectre like you would have more sense!" Chellick growled out.

"So what you're telling us "Hello? Hello!? THINK, McFly, think!"." Kaiden wisecracked. "Look, we were only trying to help her."

"Yeah, her sister's worried sick about her. She's afraid her baby sister is going to end up with, as you so eloquently put it, a "new nostril in the middle of her forehead"."

"I gathered that." Chellick said, sitting back down in his chair as he held a hand up. "It may seem cold to let her take all the risk, but as you saw, we're keeping quite the close eye on her."

"Do you really need to risk her life to get whatever information you want?" Shepherd demanded to know as he frowned darkly.

"This job isn't easy, and it's usually unpleasant. I'll take help wherever I can find it, Commander." Chellick informed them. "But! Since you were so concerned with her safety, maybe there's a way we can help each other." The head of C-Sec mused aloud, steepling his clawed hands as Garrus snorted a bit.

"Typical of you, Chellick. Always playing the angles."

"It's part of my job, Garrus, as you well know. You have to get down and dirty sometimes, and that means doing things you don't normally like. Even if they turn your stomach, sometimes you have to just grit your teeth and get it done." Chellick said softly. "If you want to help her, then help me to help you. I'm trying to track down an illegal arms producer, and to do that, all I need is some of their product. Thanks to the intel Jenna got me, I've learned there's a seller here on the Citadel. Meet our man, Jax, pick up the mods from the market, and come back here. That'll get me everything I need."

"Why are you so concerned about a few mods?" Kaiden inquired. "I would think C-Sec could handle a few updated weapons from some cheap hoods."

"C-Sec does have access to some of the best weaponry in the galaxy. But we can't let criminals get any kind of edge. You give them an inch, they'll take a mile. If we lose our edge, people get hurt. People die." Chellick said with a wave of his hand. "So here's what you'll do. Go to Jax, get the mods. I'll send word through our special channels that you're a buyer." He remarked, typing into his laptop computer. "You'll need to disguise yourself. I mean, you're one of the most recognizable people on the Citadel. If Jax figures out your crew is buying from him, he'll instantly smell a rat."

"I don't suppose you've got any image inducers to disguise us?" Kaiden asked, tilting his head slightly to the side.

"Not in our budget, unfortunately." Garrus said with a sigh. "Maybe next year, that's what they always say."

"Too bad we can't just do a full-body makeover. Then they'd never recognize us. Like, um…" Ashley snapped her fingers. "Like that film! "Some Like It Hot". These two men dressed up as women and fooled everyone."

"Nobody's going to be fooled by a bad falsetto and a fake wig-" Garrus chuckled as Shepherd suddenly got a wild idea. An idea that was just plain crazy. So crazy that-

"It just…might…work." Shepherd murmured softly, eyes widening larger and larger as he swiftly exited the office, went down the hallway and approached Nick and the others, taking the medic by his shoulders.

"What is it? What?"

"Can you make me a woman?"

Well. Those were definitely not the words that Nick ever expected the commander to say to him. Like, at all. In fact, when they returned to the Normandy to get ready, the entire crew was whispering and murmuring among themselves, Wrex flat out refusing to go through with it, Kaiden immediately holding his hands up.

"Ahhhh no." He remarked. "I am not going to do that. I'm quite happy with the body evolution gave me."

"God." Ashley said with a small smirk at him.

"EVOLUTION." Kaiden snapped back, giving her a playful whack on the shoulder as Nick paced back and forth, biting into his lip as he stood on the bridge with the Commander and the rest of the assembled crew, his comrades glancing about at each other.

"Could be fun, I think." Garrus admitted, holding a mirror up to look himself over with a small smile. "Our friend's proven he can do amazing things with his lovely little singing voice. Why not turn a man into a woman?"

"Jesus would cry?" Ashley laughed. "Nah, personally, I think it's a hilarious idea."

"And I want you all to know it's going to be all I can stand to watch…and take pictures for our photo album." Joker admitted as he wheeled the chair around and grinned cheekily at them wall, waving a camera in the air as Liara scratched her head.

"It would definitely be a…intriguing thing to witness." She quietly murmured. "I should probably take notes."

"My father laughs when I tell him the kind of things you do." Tali admitted to the medic as Lucas and Joker got the camera ready, Joker fumbling with the new controls. Evidently it had some kind of built-in chip that guaranteed the best photographs.

"Okay, test photo. Say "Sex Change"!" Joker proclaimed as he pressed a button.

"Beep! Please hand me to somebody who knows what they're doing." The camera announced, Joker giving the thing a glare before handing it to Lucas, who smirked a bit at Joker's defeat before fiddling with the controls.

"It's just temporary." Nick reasoned with a shrug. "Like all the other stuff we've done before. So…Garrus? Shepherd? You guys with me on this?"

The two of them nodded at each other, then at Nick, everyone else immediately putting on headphones, earplugs and standing far, far away just in case as Nick chuckled a bit. "Boy, the bad guys are going to really have me over a barrel if they ever figure out all they would need to do to stop me is just cover their ears or keep me from talking."

"You're sure they HAVE to hear it as well for it to work?" Shepherd asked as Nick nodded before taking in a deep breath, holding his hands up.

"Okay, channel the Aerosmith. Think flamboyant. Think larger than life…" He said softly, swaying his body slightly, snapping his fingers to the rhythm.

"Dude looks like a lady!

Dude looks like a lady!

Dude looks like a lady!

Dude looks like a laaaadyyyy!"

And as he began to sing, pointed finger held high as he shook what his momma gave him, a visible change came over Shepherd and Garrus, their features shifting and morphing. Shepherd's hair became shoulder-length, with deep red highlights, her eyes a burning, powerful shade of green as a few freckles popped up on her cheeks, shrinking slightly. Garrus lost some of his muscular tone, his forehead crest vanishing as he became "bald", his mandibles becoming more rounded as his eyes became a twinkling golden color. Nick had slightly messy hair now, a few strands flicking back and forth in front of his eyes as he waved his hands in front of his eyes, frowning a bit.

"Ugh. I can't see so well." He murmured. "I used to need glasses as a kid. Guess my new body needs some now." He sighed as Liara pulled out a small set of glasses from her pocket, handing them to Nick as he put them over his nose. "Oh. These work pretty well."

"Our species's reading glasses seem to do wonders for human eyes. A most fortituous realization, I have to say." She admitted with a small smile.

"Wow! You look like Harry Potter if she was a lady." Lucas chuckled, the old man remarked as he took a few photos as Nick gulped a bit, rubbing the back of his head. Shepherd felt his, or rather, her face, whilst Garrus looked himself over in the mirror he'd had, nodding slightly.

"Oh my. Not bad at all. Would I fuck me? Oh, I'd fuck me. Fuck me HARD." He chuckled darkly.

"Wow." Shepherd murmured as Ashley held up a mirror for her to look in. "I look so…huggable."

"I know, its unsettling." Kaiden admitted as Shepherd brushed his hair to the side.

"But we'll fool those people at the market easily. Let's going, gentleme-ladies." He corrected himself, the three of them making for the exit as Lucas turned, eyes widening as he gaped at Joker.

"Not one goddamn word." Jenna "Joker" Moreau snarled as he glared at the requisitions officer. For you see, one of his, or rather her, earplugs having fallen out from being poorly inserted into his ear as he pointed an accusatory finger in Lucas's face. "And not ONE photograph!" He added before looking down at his chest. "…huh. Thought I'd a bigger chest." He admitted, feeling over it as he raised an eyebrow up. "Wait. I wonder…"

"You don't think?" Liara mused as the others watched with bated breath.

He nervously stood up, holding his hands up high. "I CAN WALK!" He proclaimed happily, shaking his booty around on the deck, tongue sticking out as he giddily grinned. "Shake-shake, shake-shake, shake it! Shake-shake-"

KRA-KRAK!

"…nope. Still crippled." He squeaked out, now lying on the floor. "Medic!"