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Author's Note:
Believe me when I say I'm not really into character-bashing. I believe in hating characters not for who they are, but for what they do. The problem is that what they do is usually inevitably tied into who they are. And boy, oh boy, if there was ever a character I've disliked the most in this fandom, it'd be the one who, without a doubt, is the biggest insult to humanity ever. Gaz.
As such...I don't feel TOO bad about this. She really is an awful person. If you like her and want to make her a protagonist, fine, but she really doesn't "work" as a protagonist because she's not empathetic, not sympathetic in comparison to, say, Zim (who's constant failures and his concern for his companions make him kinda endearing) or Dib (the only one on the show with a conscience and a brain), is cruel, selfish-oh, you know all that if you've ready any of the Karma Circle stories.
So really, Gaz-as-Protagonists-We're-Meant-To-Agree-With stories...I never like reading them because they ALMOST never bother to have her undergo any kind of real character arc OR have her experience, y'know, regret for any of the bad things she's done. There are, of course, exceptions. And if you find one, I encourage you to read it. Like, immediately. But in my experience...Gaz is really a very weak and unlikable person due to how FLAT a character she is in comparison to the other people in the Invader Zim realm.
But hopefully, you'll find it enjoyable to read what happens when somebody so without charm finally gets what's coming to her.
So, without further ado...
GAZ...IN SPAAAACE
A normal day in Gaz's town was soon to turn quite sour,
For she was to be visited within the fifteenth hour.
A dark and evil force from space was visiting the human race,
And what little girl with an angry face should the aliens first see...
They set up a fiendish trap by the local pizza store...
Gazlene was always hungry for a dozen slices more.
It didn't matter be it lunch, be it breakfast, be it brunch...
A day without her pizza was a day she did abhor.
So eager was she to taste some pizza with stuffed and cheesy crust...
So hungry was her stomach, and her posture so robust...
That when she demanded angrily a pizza for herself...
She didn't see the aliens lying hidden past the shelf.
The "owner" turned to make the order, she rubbed her hands in glee...
And turned away to chuckle, so of course she couldn't see...
The pistol that turned on her then which shot her in the head...
But you needn't fret my readers, for they didn't want her dead.
She should have questioned why nobody ELSE was in the store...
But 'twas too late, for with a THUMP her body hit the floor.
She drifted off to slumberland, slung o'er the shoulder of a man
From some far-off planet, the poor girl now a prisoner of war?
No, no, not quite, they wanted slaves, and she was quite the prize.
Somebody so young and fresh was perfect in their eyes.
When she awoke upon their ship, she found herself in chains,
And screamed and yelled at her captors, saying VERY nasty names.
Not that it did her any good, for she was tied up tight...
And they'd been traveling for hours, day had turned to night.
They'd reached their destination soon, a far-off planet with two moons,
And try as she would, try as she might, Gaz could not put up a fight.
Presented along with others on a line-up for a price...
Nobody seemed to want the girl, because she wasn't nice.
When someone's swearing up a storm, you can't help but feel a mite forlorn,
Especially if someone insists your mom has pubic lice.
Eventually one client DID take notice of the girl...
Though the nasty things she'd said about his father made him hurl.
He decided to forgive her since his sis wanted a pet...
And he was sure he'd make a gentle-lady of her yet.
Gaz wasn't very happy, all things considered, she was pissed...
And she now quickly realized it was her home she missed.
Even her stupid brother Dib, and his humongous head...
She wished that he was here with her...or even Zim instead.
Her dark draconic master soon escorted her away...
And said his sister Zula needed somebody to play...
Somebody to hang around and keep her company...
And what Gaz promptly said to him I won't repeat to thee.
Unfortunately for Gazlene his sister was a nut.
Her mind was like a steely trap, but it was always shut.
Though other beings on the planet laughed and smiled as one...
The dragoness called Zula had a different kind of "fun".
Her and her brother Obyssus lived on a pearly beach...
Upon a planet far away from Gaz's brother's reach.
Their planet Allforce was a peaceful place, home to a most draconic race,
"Except, little Gaz, for one small place" as Zula tried to teach.
For Zula had a special ring she'd been making for some time...
And she intended to make sure that Gaz would fall in line.
The little girl would fight with pets, and others would come to place their bets...
"At long, long last, my ultimate goal of fortune will be mine!"
But there was a little problem, and I think you'll see it too...
Nobody else upon the world was twisted like these two.
The others were of sugar, they of spice, neither of the two were nice!
And if confronted of their misanthropy they'd say "True".
Zula hoped the spectacle of what she had in store...
Would bring in customers across the world and to her door.
She had ONE pet to fight with, but right now she needed more...
But the other pets upon her world were far from reach of bratty girl.
For several dozen miles away from her family's beachfront home...
There was an island 'cross the lake where animals did roam...
A quiet place in an ocean filled with sunfish, bass and guppies...
Home to no less than fifty dozen precious little puppies.
Day by day through a telescope the dragoness would peer...
And look upon an island living without fear.
No natural predators to see, they all were free as they could be.
"I'm going to make them fight for me". The dragoness told Gaz with glee.
"I just can't fly that far yet, since I'm only seventeen.
But I got this little something from my dearest aunt Maureen.
A catapult! Oh, she's the best. YOU will be the final test.
I'll strap you in." "You're fucking NUTS!" Gaz roared out with a scream.
"I'd never live!" "I've got a capsule, I'll place you inside.
Then stick you on the catapult and send you for a ride.
Get all the pups that you can fit into your arms...be back in just a bit,
I've got an inflatable raft to send you back, so don't you throw a fit."
Gaz didn't really have a choice and so she simply sighed.
Launched through the air for stupid dogs. "My self-respect just died."
Not that she really minded much, she was no wimpy yuppie...
She wasn't scared of snatching up a couple stupid puppies.
And so next morning, bright and early, came the time for Gaz to fly.
She hopped into the catapult, and was launched into the sky.
The capsule she was in was soft, a little ball of red aloft
Within the air she flew quite high, PRETTY sure she wouldn't die.
She landed on the island with a loud and cushioned "THUMP".
The only injury a tiny bump upon her rump.
But when she exited the craft, she soon began to scream...
She hadn't seen THIS coming, no, not in her wildest dreams.
She'd been ready to snatch a doggies for her mistress's delight.
She'd been prepared for growling, biting, even for a fight.
But now she knew the secret of the island 'cross the lake...
It was filled with GIANT PUPPIES, yes, it gave Gaz quite a fright.
Both the Earthling and her mistress hadn't really thought this through...
And thus when all was said and done there wasn't much to do.
They didn't know how to operate telescope that well...
And now poor little Gazzy-Poo was in a drooling hell.
Needless to say, when all is said and done the answer's clear...
The objects in your telescope are larger than they appear.
But I've got news for dearest Gazzy, and for your mistress too.
The lake you had crossed to snatch up dogs? They named it after you!
Lake Stupid.
You must feel SOOOOO proud. ^_^
Believe me when I say I'm not really into character-bashing. I believe in hating characters not for who they are, but for what they do. The problem is that what they do is usually inevitably tied into who they are. And boy, oh boy, if there was ever a character I've disliked the most in this fandom, it'd be the one who, without a doubt, is the biggest insult to humanity ever. Gaz.
As such...I don't feel TOO bad about this. She really is an awful person. If you like her and want to make her a protagonist, fine, but she really doesn't "work" as a protagonist because she's not empathetic, not sympathetic in comparison to, say, Zim (who's constant failures and his concern for his companions make him kinda endearing) or Dib (the only one on the show with a conscience and a brain), is cruel, selfish-oh, you know all that if you've ready any of the Karma Circle stories.
So really, Gaz-as-Protagonists-We're-Meant-To-Agree-With stories...I never like reading them because they ALMOST never bother to have her undergo any kind of real character arc OR have her experience, y'know, regret for any of the bad things she's done. There are, of course, exceptions. And if you find one, I encourage you to read it. Like, immediately. But in my experience...Gaz is really a very weak and unlikable person due to how FLAT a character she is in comparison to the other people in the Invader Zim realm.
But hopefully, you'll find it enjoyable to read what happens when somebody so without charm finally gets what's coming to her.
So, without further ado...
GAZ...IN SPAAAACE
A normal day in Gaz's town was soon to turn quite sour,
For she was to be visited within the fifteenth hour.
A dark and evil force from space was visiting the human race,
And what little girl with an angry face should the aliens first see...
They set up a fiendish trap by the local pizza store...
Gazlene was always hungry for a dozen slices more.
It didn't matter be it lunch, be it breakfast, be it brunch...
A day without her pizza was a day she did abhor.
So eager was she to taste some pizza with stuffed and cheesy crust...
So hungry was her stomach, and her posture so robust...
That when she demanded angrily a pizza for herself...
She didn't see the aliens lying hidden past the shelf.
The "owner" turned to make the order, she rubbed her hands in glee...
And turned away to chuckle, so of course she couldn't see...
The pistol that turned on her then which shot her in the head...
But you needn't fret my readers, for they didn't want her dead.
She should have questioned why nobody ELSE was in the store...
But 'twas too late, for with a THUMP her body hit the floor.
She drifted off to slumberland, slung o'er the shoulder of a man
From some far-off planet, the poor girl now a prisoner of war?
No, no, not quite, they wanted slaves, and she was quite the prize.
Somebody so young and fresh was perfect in their eyes.
When she awoke upon their ship, she found herself in chains,
And screamed and yelled at her captors, saying VERY nasty names.
Not that it did her any good, for she was tied up tight...
And they'd been traveling for hours, day had turned to night.
They'd reached their destination soon, a far-off planet with two moons,
And try as she would, try as she might, Gaz could not put up a fight.
Presented along with others on a line-up for a price...
Nobody seemed to want the girl, because she wasn't nice.
When someone's swearing up a storm, you can't help but feel a mite forlorn,
Especially if someone insists your mom has pubic lice.
Eventually one client DID take notice of the girl...
Though the nasty things she'd said about his father made him hurl.
He decided to forgive her since his sis wanted a pet...
And he was sure he'd make a gentle-lady of her yet.
Gaz wasn't very happy, all things considered, she was pissed...
And she now quickly realized it was her home she missed.
Even her stupid brother Dib, and his humongous head...
She wished that he was here with her...or even Zim instead.
Her dark draconic master soon escorted her away...
And said his sister Zula needed somebody to play...
Somebody to hang around and keep her company...
And what Gaz promptly said to him I won't repeat to thee.
Unfortunately for Gazlene his sister was a nut.
Her mind was like a steely trap, but it was always shut.
Though other beings on the planet laughed and smiled as one...
The dragoness called Zula had a different kind of "fun".
Her and her brother Obyssus lived on a pearly beach...
Upon a planet far away from Gaz's brother's reach.
Their planet Allforce was a peaceful place, home to a most draconic race,
"Except, little Gaz, for one small place" as Zula tried to teach.
For Zula had a special ring she'd been making for some time...
And she intended to make sure that Gaz would fall in line.
The little girl would fight with pets, and others would come to place their bets...
"At long, long last, my ultimate goal of fortune will be mine!"
But there was a little problem, and I think you'll see it too...
Nobody else upon the world was twisted like these two.
The others were of sugar, they of spice, neither of the two were nice!
And if confronted of their misanthropy they'd say "True".
Zula hoped the spectacle of what she had in store...
Would bring in customers across the world and to her door.
She had ONE pet to fight with, but right now she needed more...
But the other pets upon her world were far from reach of bratty girl.
For several dozen miles away from her family's beachfront home...
There was an island 'cross the lake where animals did roam...
A quiet place in an ocean filled with sunfish, bass and guppies...
Home to no less than fifty dozen precious little puppies.
Day by day through a telescope the dragoness would peer...
And look upon an island living without fear.
No natural predators to see, they all were free as they could be.
"I'm going to make them fight for me". The dragoness told Gaz with glee.
"I just can't fly that far yet, since I'm only seventeen.
But I got this little something from my dearest aunt Maureen.
A catapult! Oh, she's the best. YOU will be the final test.
I'll strap you in." "You're fucking NUTS!" Gaz roared out with a scream.
"I'd never live!" "I've got a capsule, I'll place you inside.
Then stick you on the catapult and send you for a ride.
Get all the pups that you can fit into your arms...be back in just a bit,
I've got an inflatable raft to send you back, so don't you throw a fit."
Gaz didn't really have a choice and so she simply sighed.
Launched through the air for stupid dogs. "My self-respect just died."
Not that she really minded much, she was no wimpy yuppie...
She wasn't scared of snatching up a couple stupid puppies.
And so next morning, bright and early, came the time for Gaz to fly.
She hopped into the catapult, and was launched into the sky.
The capsule she was in was soft, a little ball of red aloft
Within the air she flew quite high, PRETTY sure she wouldn't die.
She landed on the island with a loud and cushioned "THUMP".
The only injury a tiny bump upon her rump.
But when she exited the craft, she soon began to scream...
She hadn't seen THIS coming, no, not in her wildest dreams.
She'd been ready to snatch a doggies for her mistress's delight.
She'd been prepared for growling, biting, even for a fight.
But now she knew the secret of the island 'cross the lake...
It was filled with GIANT PUPPIES, yes, it gave Gaz quite a fright.
Both the Earthling and her mistress hadn't really thought this through...
And thus when all was said and done there wasn't much to do.
They didn't know how to operate telescope that well...
And now poor little Gazzy-Poo was in a drooling hell.
Needless to say, when all is said and done the answer's clear...
The objects in your telescope are larger than they appear.
But I've got news for dearest Gazzy, and for your mistress too.
The lake you had crossed to snatch up dogs? They named it after you!
Lake Stupid.
You must feel SOOOOO proud. ^_^
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Inspired by the famous Anti-Gaz "Karma Circle" stories, and by Zim'sMostLoyalServant. The touching rhyming tale of one little girl who's taken into space and who is way, WAYYY over her head when her new draconic mistress wants her to get hold of other pets for a fighting ring!
Touchingly dedicated to "Azula-Always-Lies", aka
...PFFFFT...HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! I can't back that up...
Touchingly dedicated to "Azula-Always-Lies", aka
...PFFFFT...HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! I can't back that up...
© 2013 - 2024 SaintHeartwing
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So it seems you are a writer of Epic Poetry!
Not exactly 'Paradise Lost' but certainly a great deal more entertaining and humorous. I am not sure if it is the nature of reading in my head, but there does appear to be a few lines that are not running in the same rhythm as the rest, but it does appear that you have a good grasp of poetic fashions
Not exactly 'Paradise Lost' but certainly a great deal more entertaining and humorous. I am not sure if it is the nature of reading in my head, but there does appear to be a few lines that are not running in the same rhythm as the rest, but it does appear that you have a good grasp of poetic fashions