Roboparents Gone Wild

Zim was hard at work inside his house. If one were to put his or her ear to the door, you'd hear him eagerly working away...though on WHAT...is unsure. Let's all approach the closet...

Hmm. Eeeeerie. It's all lit up. DARE we open the door? We dare! And we find a glowing hatch is present on the floor by some moccasins (don't ask WHY GIR has them)...and it's labeled "ROBOPARENTS TUNNEL-KEEP CLEAR".

"How many times have I told you not to touch anything that sounds like it can explode? GIR, are you listening to me?" Zim asked within the tunnel.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Inside of a swirling, helix-shaped power nexus that had a dimmed glow to it, Zim and GIR hovered on "Floaty-PAKS" inside of a dark purple room with smooth running wires going straight into the nexus core as Zim fiddled with the power cell using some tools from his PAK, a pair of goggles over his eyes as the RoboMom and RoboDad stood against the wall, clamped in by a thick metal bar over their chest/stomach regions.

Zim rolled his eyes, muttering angrily. "That's good. You laugh, GIR, while ZIM fixes all of your mistakes! YOUR HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE MISTAKES!"

"I got us outta that boat!"

Zim frowned for a moment, thinking about this.

SOME TIME EARLIER IN THE WEEK...

"Come ONNNN, Dib!" Skoodge moaned, sitting up and holding his stomach as he whined. "We MUST eat that pie or we're going to STARVE!" He sobbed, his figure now far-depleted, his pudgy stomach a distant memory.

"NEVER, do you hear me, No!" Dib shouted, clutching onto the pie and snarling at Skoodge. "That's the only evidence we've got against him! This will get him on an autopsy table! I WON'T give it up...though…" He looked down at his stomach. "I must admit I've got one HELL of an appetite..."

"We've got to eat the pie, or we're going to DIE!" Skoodge demanded of Dib, frowning angrily.

"NEVER!" Dib cried out.

"WE MUST!" Skoodge insisted.

"I think I know what we REALLY need to do." Dib insisted "We need to...EAT ZIM!"

"WHAT?!" Zim yelled, eyes widening.

"Well look AROUND, Zim!" Dib snapped. "We're lost at sea, we're all alone, we've gotta eat SOMEBODY!"

"Zim knows THAT, but why would you want to eat a scrawny Irken like ME?" Zim asked angrily, placing his claws on his chest before pointing at Skoodge. "LET'S EAT FAT BOY!"

"I'll bet Skoodge tastes like CHICKEN!" GIR said cheerfully, walking forwards and allowing his jetpack to pop out as he sailed at Skoodge, and collided with him. BOTHzoomed off through the air and into the fog that surrounded them. Dib and Zim moaned.

"FINE. We eat the pie." Dib hissed angrily, getting out a fork.

The two of them sat down and ate the pie in silence, stuffing it into their faces, wolfing it down. Then there was further silence as the sounds of their chewing ended and they just sat together on the boat.

"..."

"...so now what do we do?"

"...I don't know." Zim admitted. "Why don't YOU figure something out? YOU'RE the one that found me!"

"Maybe I WILL!"

TEN DAYS LATER...

"...maybe I won't."

The two were now emaciated and barely able to stand. Both now rested their backs on each other as some drool pooled out of Zim's mouth.

"...we're really...gonna die out here...you know, I always hoped your SISTER would kill you." Zim added.

"Yeah, I kinda always thought SHE'D kill me too."

"Why do you let her push you around?"

"I can only do mind games. It's all I have."

"Yes, I...know what you mean. My brilliant brain meats cannot fathom the depth of a woman's heart." Zim admitted. "You know...I've kissed NINE girls." He admitted. "One was Lady Miyuki." He smiled warmly. "Then there was Tenn..."

Dib listened to Zim rattle on about his girlfriends until he finally reached "Ember-er...okay, we ALMOST kissed."

"Almost?"

"Well...okay, Zim wanted to kiss her, but never got the chance. Her ramp went up and she was taken to Sirius." A look of familiar warmth appeared in his eyes. "We had gotten very close in Training for my new position as a Scientist for Military Research. I knew her for 10 years..." He smiled warmly. "Beautiful soft eyes...shy...always willing to listen to ZIM!" He laughed triumphantly.

"So what happened to her?"

"...I don't know." Zim mumbled. "I never saw her again. I was hoping she'd come back...we had made a pact to make a scientific breakthrough together but she stopped being my laboratory partner when they needed her on Sirius Minor."

Dib frowned. That was actually...kind of sad, in a pathetic sort of way. Best friends and possibly more for ten years, making a pact, that whole sweet childhood deal...yanked away at the last minute.

"...Zim would like to die now." Zim muttered at last, appaently feeling he had finally hit rock bottom, realizing he had no girlfriend, no servant, was stuck on a boat with his worst enemy and starving.

"Let's just jump overboard...I'd rather drown than starve to death." Dib suggested,

"Ditto..."

"AHOOOOY!" GIR called out.

They all turned their heads in time to see GIR had somehow collided with an enormous private cruiser and that White was waving cheerfully at them front wheel of the ship.

"OH. I guess I won't need to watch you kill yourself then eat your corpse after all!" Zim said, grinning nervously.

"WHAT?!"

…

…

…

..."OHHHH...WHATEVER! You know you're supposed to be MY assistant! I'm surprised you didn't completely destroy this power thingy. You could learn a thing or two by watching me-"

Show of hands if you all know what's about to happen next. ^_^

SCHWAAAAARRRRZZZZ! The power cell overloaded and MILLIONS Of "Ziga Moops", the Irken energy that came installed directly from the center of Irk, flooded into Zim and GIR who flailed around like ragdolls being tossed about in a hurricane. The entire place was lit up like a Christmas tree as the Roboparents got zapped, their eyes glowing briefly with power before...

THWOMP. Zim and GIR hit the floor and moaned, holding their heads. Zim looked the smoking mess over, then smelled his burning skin.

"Well...uh...Zim's work here is done. GIR, carry me back to my lab. I'm in HORRIBLE pain!" He moaned.

"Hee-hee-hee! Pain!"

They floated off...unaware that RoboMom was watching them...the eyes glowing again with a strange, yellow/white light like a slightly burnt-out bug zapper.

"D-d-did you s-see that explosion honey?"

"THAT BOY! Wh-what-what have we t-t-tooooold him?" RoboDad snapped, head spinning around.

…

…

…

… Lard Nar paced around inside the main office of the main Resisty base on the Meekrobian offworld post of Chai. The central office he worked in a big, HUGE desk made of mahogany wood in the center, with several dozen knickknacks, two stacks of papers, one for "in" and one for "out", a garbage pail by the side and a big folder in the center. There were drawers all around the room filled with different things…one read "Battle Plans" on top, another read "Personnel Files" and another read "Cafeteria Menus".

Spleenk walked in, looking happy-go-lucky as usual. He saluted gleefully as Lard Nar stood up, sighing. "Spleenk, this is serious business." He told his second-in-command and trusted friend. He pointed at an round, mechanical thing that was connected to a big speaker that was stationed outside of the building that his office was in. "I'll need to get THEM in. After you do announcements, call Miyuki, Skoodge, Tenn, …" He shivered…but it couldn't be helped. "That other human, White…to my office, ASAP."

Spleenk nodded and bounded over to the PDA system, pressing a couple buttons then speaking into it. "ATTENTION!" He called out. "THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE BLOOD AND THE CRIPS WILL HAVE TO BE RESCHEDULED FOR NEXT WEEK. ALSO, WHOEVER PUT REALMEAT IN TODAY'S LUNCH WILL HAVE TO REMOVE IT. ALSO, ALSO, TO THE JERK WHO STOLE MY BOOK, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! MY HOUSE! AND FINALLY, WILL SHLOONKTAPOOXIS, LADY MIYUKI, IRKENS SKOODGE AND TENN, AND THE HUMANS MICHAEL WHITE, AND NICK GREY PLEASE REPORT TO COMMANDER LARD NAR'S OFFICE AT ONCE!"

Elsewhere, Red nodded at Erin as Purple stood by his side in THEIR main office at Meekrob. "Nicely done, Erin!" He complimented. "Now remember, this is not a social occasion, so…" He tossed some M&M's into his mouth and chewed. "No schnacks…" He mumbled. He waved a claw in the air. "It's gunna haffta 'ake...GULP...gonna take ALL of my resources to guide us through these rocky waters."

"Yessiree, it will be a real test of our leadershipmanship!" Purple agreed.

Miyuki entered the room, nodding politely. "Lard Nar." She said in that sweet voice of hers.

"Milady." Lard Nar bowed his head as she sat down in a chair in the office. White stepped into the room as well, frowning slightly.

"This better be important." White mumbled. "I was very busy…with a chess game."

"Really?" Lard Nar asked.

"Yeah." White snapped.

"So wipe the lipstick off your neck." Miyuki remarked, smirking.

"…er…it was a very…CLOSE game." White said, a big, crooked grin appearing on his face.

Invader Darth and Tak entered the Tallest's office soon, also taking seats as Felix and MIMI sat next to their "uncle" and master respectfully. Red nodded once they were seated.

"Good to see you're here. Now, I have called you here for a VERY important reason." He informed them all, waving his hand in the air.

"Starting right here, right now, we're going to have to put our shoulders to the wheel, our noses to the grindstone. We've got to hunker down and pull together, all for one and one for all!" Lard Nar told his men.

"Stop the cliché-fest and get to the friggin' point." White intoned.

"The point is THIS." Lard Nar held a notepad in the air, with a piece of paper stapled to it. "Our supply line's been cut." He told them all with a serious face. "The Irken Empire blew up our supply line! We're incapable of getting any more aid from the Meekrob or our other allies. There's a lot of things we won't be able to get ahold of from now on…" He looked LOATHE to continue.

"How bad is it really?" Shloonktapooxis asked.

Lard Nar bit his lip, then read off the paper. "Fruit, vegetables, assorted food, fuel, blankets, bandages, linen replacements…" He hesitated, then spoke. "…and toilet paper…"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Nick screamed, tugging at his hair.

"Those FIENDS!" Miyuki snarled.

"They've hit us where it hurts!" White moaned.

"We won't get any electrical parts for a while, or new weapons, or flares, or winter clothing or…nachos." Lard Nar added.

"Oooooh! How can we fight a war without nachos?!" Skoodge moaned. "I NEED them!"

"Wait a moment…we get wounded sent over here to be looked after, don't we?" Miyuki asked. "If they can send wounded soldiers here to our base, why not supplies?"

"Due to poor aim and some recently defenestrated officers, we exploded our OWN supply line along with theirs." Red mumbled embarrassingly. "But command says that we should have supplies again soon."

"The same Control Brains who said that the Resisty WASN'T the "Rebel Alliance" to our "Galactic Empire"?" Purple muttered angrily.

"Don't ridicule command!" Red told him, frowning. "We're stuck with each other whether we like it or not."

"He has a point. We can't let these little things worry us." Nick, nodding. "Why, what would have happened back 9 years ago if Prof. Membrane had stopped on his way to the lab to worry about the amount of toilet paper he had?"

"…so we would have had super toast discovered 10 minutes later." White said, shrugging. "Big whoop. I can't even tell the difference between super toast and REGULAR toast!"

"Spelling?" Shloonktapooxis laughed.

"Look, the entire place is going to have to go on Red Alert." Miyuki told them, standing up and going by Lard Nar. "Don't you think so?"

"Yes, EXACTLY!" Lard Nar said. "Red Alert, that's the stuff!"

"…you don't KNOW what that is…do you?" Miyuki inquired.

"…no. No I do not."

"Give him a break. He's no REAL leader, a bunch of ragtags looking for somebody to fly their ship caught him with a butterfly net." White said nastily, prompting Spleenk to stick his tongue out at her, giving her a raspberry.

"What it means is we take drastic measures and we divide up power amongst the highest and most competent officers." Erin informed them all.

"Okay, fine. Listen up then." Red took a deep breath. "I'll divide up the duties." He snickered. "Heh-heh! I said "doodies". Er…" He recomposed himself. "Rationing, conservation and distribution of food will be Darth's job." Red said, pointing at Darth, who bowed his head. "Tak, you will be in charge of the heating and keeping track of our power."

"Nick, you shall be in charge of general service and supplies that aren't related to food or medicine. Skoodge, since you've got medical experience from training as an Invader, you're in charge of taking care of our medical teams and supplies. Since we might need to double or triple up to save heat due to the streak of lousy weather we've been having, I'm putting Tenn in charge of housing, you will decide who sleeps with who."

"Say…can I see you after the meeting?" White inquired, grinning evilly.

"Eat me, pervert." Tenn snapped.

"And Miyuki, I want you to be in charge of morale. We're going to need a warm and friendly face to make sure we don't go nuts around here." Lard Nar finished up, rubbing his hands. "Now then…to work!"

AND SO…

"Yeah, I bet you can't WAIT to tell your grandchildren all about this one day." White laughed as Nick headed out of the office and back to Nick room, opening the door and sitting on his cot. The rooms of the base all had bright blue walls with big cots, a few desks and such, and a furnace for heating in the center. "Oh, what did YOU do in the big war, daddy?" "I was the Latrine officer, nobody made a move without me!" White snickered.

"Shut it!" Nick snapped, kicking him in the leg. He grabbed it and hopped off, heading for his own room. Then Nick noticed Tenn was coming into his room with a few other Resisty members.

"Okay, put them in here." She said, pointing into their room as two more cots were brought inside and some suitcases full of clothing were moved out of the way. "Yeah, that's fine." She ordered.

"What's all this?"

"Sorry. New sleeping arrangements, by order of Tenn, housing officer." Tenn said, looking like she was going to ENJOY this new use of power.

FIVE…SECONDS…LATER…

"AAAA!" Tenn cried as Nick tossed Tenn's diaries into the furnace nearby.

"By order of Nick Grey, Latrine and HEATING officer!" Nick wisecracked.

…

…

…

… Darin was inside of Lard Nar's office, trying to do some status reports. There was a HUGE, tall heap of papers he had to work through and he groaned, trying to ignore the music that was playing on the little stereo he'd brought inside.

"Tiii-iii-iiiime is on my side…yes it is…tii-tii-tiiiime is on my side, yes it is…"

Snarling, Darin tossed a stapler at the stereo, but that only served to turn the volume up.

"TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME IS ON MY SIDE, YES IT IS!"

"ARRRGGGHHH!" He groaned. "EPIC 4IL! Some albums weren't meant for war!"

"Darin…" Lard Nar walked into the room, his lack of nose stuck inside of a book that read "The Decameron". "I'd like to take a memo." He said.

"I don't know if there's much paper left to do so, sir, but I'll see what I can do." Darin said, nodding as he stood up. Lard Nar sat down in his chair, then blinked when he saw how things had changed.

"…Darin, am I getting bigger or is the room getting SMALLER?" He inquired.

"Sorry sir…" Darin said sadly. "Those N00BS have all been getting desperate for things to burn to keep the room furnaces going so they've been sawing bits and pieces off of tables…and I couldn't stop them from getting to work on your desk. They totally pwned me."

Twas true, the desk was now three inches closer to the ground. Lard Nar groaned, slapping his face. "Aw, c'mon! This is…this is my DEN, for…ERGH! Forget the memo, take an order, STAT!"

"Er…I don't think I've got enough paper." Darin admitted.

"Because they burn THAT too?" Lard Nar asked, raising one eyebrow and growling.

"…well, not at FIRST." Darin admitted shyly.

ELSEWHERE…

"Take a look!" Red said, holding up a baked ham as he snuck into Erin's room. "I scored a NICE side of ham."

Erin raised one of her eyebrows. "Where did you get that from?"

"Well, you know how the saying goes. Neither a borrower nor a lender be…so I stole it from the supplies!" Red laughed as he looked at the ham. "We're important officers, we need to be strong. The others will be weak because they'll be out of one ham, but WE'LL be strong because we'll have eaten their food!"

"Well when you say it that way it makes perfect sense." Erin remarked. "Pull up a cot." She said, motioning for him to sit down.

Night soon began to fall. It was time to go to sleep, and, of all people, White, Lard Nar and Darin were sleeping in the same room as Nick. Lard Nar took the left hand cot closest to Nick, Darin lay near him, and White was near the window.

"Okay, let's all go to sleep." White said. "AFTER Darin turns that flashlight of his off and puts "Ulysses" away!"

"We're the same rank ya n00b, you can't give ME an order!" Darin remarked, frowning.

"It's not an order from a superior officer. It's a THREAT." Gaz explained.

"… oh, well that's different." Darin said, turning bright red.

"Wait, what happens if White start snoring?" Lard Nar asked. "Cuz I KNOW he will!"

"Just do what my babies do." White said, smirking. "Hold me close!"

"Great. Now how about we do a little something religious?" Nick inquired. "And observe 8 HOURS OF SILENCE."

…

…

…

...meanwhile, our "heroes" had emerged from the refrigerator door lift. Smashing into shelves of food and juices, Zim flopped out, moaning and covering his head. Yes, he was no longer in as MUCH pain, but now he'd just hit his head on rock-hard sammich loaves. GIR rolled out gracefully and did a pirouette on the spot, grinning as the lights flickered ominously. But, well, Zim didn't watch horror movies and had no idea of the terror that was to come.

"Hmm... looks like some damage was done to the rest of the house. GIR..."

If this was "JAWS", then the music would be climaxing by now...because the Roboparents appeared in the doorway, eyes a-glow.

"Son? Why'd you lock your own parents in a bottomless tube of darkness like that?" Robomom asked sternly.

Zim frowned angrily. "Parents? You're ROBOTS! And what're you doing out? Go back to your storage-"

RoboMom then began to cry. That immediately made Zim gape...and Robodad snarled at him. "Don't call your mother a robot!

"What is wrong with you?! Have you lost your...eh..."

Two and two clicked together in his brain meats. "The power surge. It did something to your brain chips didn't it? You're actually acting like grotesque human parents now? I'M INGENIOUS!" He laughed happily. Now they would never again force people down the toilet, or try to eat the nieghbors kids or-

"So, getting good grades, are you son?"

"Okay okay, no need to put on a show for Zim" Zim said, waving his hand in a dissmissive manner."
"Save it for when there are humans around. Now, begone! I'm very busy!"

"You don't talk to your dad like that!" RoboMom said angrily, putting her "hands" on her hips. "A certain little green boy is going to bed without dinner tonight!

"Bed? Irkens don't need sleep. The very thought is disgusting!" Zim remarked.

This was true. They didn't need to sleep. Though they did occasionally need to recharge their PAKS, which occurred every month. Zim always made sure to schedule it on a day when Dib was going to be incapacitated: he didn't want the human attacking his house and killing him in his recharge period.

"Looks like you guys still need a bit of reprogramming. Computer?" He barked out. "PROGRAM INTERFACE."

WOOBA-WOOBA...

A strange red and blue maraca-like object floated around, the round tip glowing as it beeped and booped and Zim grabbed ahold of it. He held it up to RoboMom...getting too close. Naturally, she snatched it away and turned it on HIM.

THWOOOOZA! A strange, sparkling, buzzing energy beam struck him in the chest and he tried to stand his ground, shielding his eyes.

"HEYY! QUIT IT! GIVE THAT BACK!"

"Not til you do them dishes." RoboMom demanded, head sparking.

"Yeahhh. You tell 'im, MA!" RoboDad laughed.

Zim looked over at the sink. There were DOZENS of filthy dishes piled up, and GIR was scooping a fistful of spaghetti into his mouth before tossing ANOTHER filthy dish into the pile. "THAT'S GOOOOD SPEGHETTI!"

Zim turned angrily on his "parents". "ZIM DOES NO DISHES! ARE YOU MAD?!"

"Are you defying your mama?" RoboMom asked, frowning.

"Are you defying your ZIM?" Zim growled.

Wrong thing to say. They loomed over Zim, looking down on him like gargoyles on a church roof. Zim hesitantly backed off towards the toilet. "Um... okayyyyy...I'll just...be..."

"NO, no... NO toilet time until you behave!" RoboMom insisted.

"I'm...just...going down to my room. There are things down there to...fix you, so-"

Now ROBODAD went crazy and dumped spaghetti on his head that GIR so happily supplied as RoboMom frowned angrily at Zim. "HE DOODN'T LOVE US! WE raise him and give him a toilet to play in, and he wants to fix us! I'm gonna find us a son that loves us!"

RoboDad stormed out of the room as RoboMom pointed at Zim, her voice becoming damming. "You made your daddy a saddy! Shame on YOU! Now, you GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

…

…

…

..."Hello? Yes! Yes, hello, Planet Meekrob?" Lard Nar asked as he sat inside his office…the desk now pretty much just a top that was lying on the floor. The wooden drawers filled with papers were all gone…Lard Nar had been forced to write all the stuff down onto a computer and put it onto flash drives that hung around his neck like a necklace.

Lard Nar was speaking through his communicator, which was operating on battery power, which, in turn, was operated on Spleenk power. The little guy was chasing after a stick of cotton candy bubble gum, panting heavily as he ran on top of a treadmill, trying to grab it. "Yes, yes, it's us, the Resisty Listen, we're in a BIG jam here. We're running out of pretty much everything. Yeah, paper is selling for a buck a page…yeah, not even my "Vortian Girls Gone Wild" magazine was spared…"

Lard Nar frowned at the next bit of news that came through the communicator wiped his semi-good-mood off the face of the Earth. "Whaddya MEAN it's gonna take another couple of weeks?! I don't think you understand, I haven't taken a shower in ten days!"

" Comrades, comrades, ever since we were boys!" Miyuki sang in the cafeteria as people huddled together for warmth, trying not to freeze to death as a big chill swept through the room. "Sharing each other's sorrows, sharing each other's joys!"

DL burst into tears and began to cry, which, sadly, was made all the more tragic when his tears frosted over and turned into little snowflakes that drifted through the air and landed on Miyuki, who screamed as the water burnt her. "YEOW!"

Felix looked over a poster board that had been set up in one of the hallways. The top read "announcements". It was used by other people to send messages to the public. He scratched his head as he read them to Uncle Darth . "Uninhibited girl interested in Science Fiction, Satire and "The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy" will spend the evening with anybody who's got five pieces of wood." He then read the next one. "Hungry, cold, tired of it all? Come to room A3, change into something comfy, put on gas mask, then wait. No appointment needed."

Darth shook his head in disgust as he walked off. A nervously-blushing Tak took down the first announcement Felix had read and quickly ate it, running off as Red approached Darth at the end of the hallway.

"Darth, how are things on your end? How are you and your young "nephew" holding up?" Purple asked, standing by Red's side.

"Well…" Darth sighed, spreading his arms wide. "Sizz-Lorr said that as far as food goes, we're doing fine so far. And apparently we're doing alright when it comes to heating. But…well, the toilet paper thing is really, REALLY getting out of control."

Red raised a non-existent eyebrow, folding his arms. "How so?" He asked.

"I'll tell you how bad it is! People are breaking into the fortune cookies now…" Darth whispered as he passed by with a formerly-full box of Chinese dumplings.

…

…

…

...GIR was in his costume and simply watching the boob tube, happily oblivious...as usual...to the insanity that was unfolding around him as Zim sat inside of a cardboard box within the middle of the living room. "ZIM'S ROOM" was written on the side of the box as RoboMom sat on the couch with the tool she'd used to blast Zim earlier still in her claw hand, watching him carefully. Not even the Cannibal Channel's soap opera "I Ate All Your Children" would get her attention. Zim tried to take a single step out...

ZAAAP!

"YEEEOOOOWWW!"

"You stay in your room until your father comes home."

"HE'S NOT MY FATHER!" Zim snarled.

ZAAAAAP!

"AGH! QUIT IT! And YOU'LL never be my REAL MOTHER!" He added angrily, thinking sadly back to his cold, unfeeling robot arm.

Then the front door opened and RoboDad stood there, holding some kind of...HUGE monstrosity that had the arms and face of a monkey, the main body of a badger and a nasty set of teeth. RoboDad lookd like he'd been CHEWED on, but he was blissfully cheerful as he introduced...

"Look what I got, honey! Our new boy."

"Oh IRK!" Zim gasped.

RoboDad let it go and it went utterly insane, tearing up the floor and the carpet, slamming into the kitchen cupboards and leaving a trail of shattered silverware and kitchen appliances all over.

Zim responded to this utter horror the way he usually did...screaming in desperate denial. "MY BASE! NOOOO! STOP IT! STOP! Stop! Stop! Stop!"

GIR noticed the violence and immediately ran to go join the beast...which tossed him out the front door. GIR just laughed and ran back inside. "He smells like dead things!" GIR announed.

"GIR! No more destroying! Obey your master! Obey ZIM!"

GIR stopped and looked from Zim to the kitchen, anxious to get back to destroying. "But I LIKE destruction."

"I know you do. I know."

"Go on, freakish doggy thing. Go and play with your new master. Go and play with- Wait, what are we going to call him?" RoboMom asked.

"Let's call him ZIM!" RoboDad suggested as Minimoose squeaked in fear and hid under the couch in utter terror of the thing.

Hoo boy! GIR looked one last time at Zim, who gave him a desperate, sad, pleading look. GIR was the only person left in the house Zim could count on. He was...

"GIR?" He asked quietly.

It was too much temptation. GIR jumped back into the kitchen to help tear it up as the Roboparents hugged each other.

"Aw honey, ZIM's like the son we never had."

Okay, now Zim was getting jealous. He turned dark green in fury and waved his fists in the air, jumping up and down. If he had had ears or a nose...steam would have poured out of them. "I'MMMM Zim! Get that thing out of my house!"

"You're OLD ZIM. We love new Zim now." RoboDad said calmly.

"But it's a dirty, insane monster and it's destroying everything!" Zim whined.

"OUR BOY AIN'T DIRTY!" RoboMom snarled angrily.

FIVE...SECONDS..LATER...

THWOOSH! Zim was tossed outside of his own house and the door slammed shut behind him as breaking noises filled Zim's lack of ears. He uselessly pounded on the door...which got RoboMom to stick the Interface Device out the window. She shocked him AGAIN, and Zim reeled back. Rubbing his eyes, he headed to the living room and gaped at the sight of the Badger/Monkey tearing up everything, screeching and hollering as GIR joined in.

"MWHEEEHEEEHEEE! YAAAY!"

BOOM. Both plowed into RoboDad in a bizarre imitation of a hug. RoboMom held her "hands" up to her face as though this was the cutest thing ever.

"Madnessss..." Zim muttered, shaking his head.

"Hey look, our little Zim's on TV!" RoboDad remarked, pointing at the TV screen. Sure enough, the badger/monkey thing was on the screen. GIR turned the volume up and Zim listened in.

"...Dinky, the city zoo's only half monkey, half badger hybrid, was stolen today. Dinky is part of a program Prof. Membrane instituted that lets kids create the animals THEY'D like to see. A worldwide search has begun to find the thief and a large reward is being offered for information leading to Dinky's return...It's a sick world." He ended. "I mean, a MONKEY AND A BADGER?! What the HELL kind of mind-"

Then another script was shoved in his face. He turned pale as he read it. "This just in...we have a warning from the Chief of Police...CHRISTMAS CRITTERS, folks. We have a CHRISTMAS CRITTER Situation."

The feed then cut to static as a neighbor nearby ran for his life from a bear, a deer, a squirrel, a rabbit, a fox and a bird and a hedgehog who were all dressed in Christmas attire and gleefully about to kill the fat tumor-headed lady, use her skull for sex, and then as a decorative birdhouse. What sick kid came up with THOSE things?!

"TOILET ZIM wasn't ever on TV." RoboMom remarked.

Zim turned away and shook his head. This was all just too-

KRA-KROOOOM!

The sky opened up, rain pouring down. As it slipped down his face, Zim's ruby/maroon eyes narrowed with resolve and he slowly turned back to look at the house, clenching his fists tightly. "I will find a way back in. My mission must continue! There is no stopping me! I will never give up! YOU DO NOT TOY WITH INVADER ZIM: THE RELENTLESS!" He screamed to the heavens as lightning split the sky.

…

…

…

..."Girls, I think we've done the best job out of all the others here." Erin said as she addressed an entire room filled with females. The lights were almost all out as she smiled at Tenn, who nodded back at her. "We've kept up our end and done a great job in taking care of the others here and of each other. Don't worry…we'll get those supplies soon."

The room was painted purple/pink…the lady's own person touch. Every girl had put up different drawings on the walls, sketched out with metal pieces that were too big to be burnt. Interestingly enough, Miyuki had a big dream-catcher hanging over her head, also made from metal.

"I sure HOPE so." Tak muttered. "I can't clean myself with "Diet Croak", you know!"

"And I can barely function without caffeine!" Another girl added.

"Let's all get some rest. Goodnight everyone!" Erin said as she reached for the light switch and turned it off.

"Goodnight milady."

"Goodnight milady."

"Goodnight milady."

"Goodnight milady."

"Goodnight milady."

"Goodnight milady."

"…goodnight milady."

Tak shot up in her bed, eyes burning with fire. How had he snuck over HERE?

"WHITE, GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE YOU LITTLE PERV!"

SOME TIME LATER AND ELSEWHERE…

"Ugh…it's so…COLD…" Lard Nar muttered as he shivered underneath his blanket.

"Yeah, well you don't see ME complainin'." Nick said. "...BECAUSE MY LIPS ARE FROZEN SHUT!" He added, only HALF joking.

"Wait, how come you're not sleeping with a blanket, nerd-boy?" White inquired.

"My Arcadian metabolism is special. If my blood pressure is low, then my body temperature is low and since it's not…" Darin smirked, his square-hair bouncing slightly.

Skoodge, however, who was sharing the room with them tonight, stood up, frowning. "Wait…your feet…they're WARM!" he said, grabbing Darin's socks.

"HEY you PK! Get yer claws off my socks!" The nerd hissed.

White stood up and ran to Darin's side, checking his socks. "Ah-HA! Hunting socks!" He deduced, holding up a battery.

"Yeah and they're MINE, so hands off!" Darin snapped, tugging his legs away.

"Share some heat or I'll stick you in the furnace!" Nick demanded. "Give me one of the socks!" He snarled, tugging on his shoes.

"AH! CRAZY HEAD!" Darin howled.

"Children, we cannot let a little nippiness turn us into animals!" Lard Nar insisted. "We must unite and stand together against the-"

Spleenk held up a temperature gauge that showed the thing was dipping below the level of "0". Lard Nar frowned, then pointed at Darin. "GET…THOSE…SOCKS!"

Lard Nar entered the room to find everyone tugging on Darin with a "Yo, heave ho" as Darin clung desperately to the wall, hands embedded deeply as he began bawling.

"What the HECK?!" Tenn shouted, entering the room as everyone gave another heave, trying to tug Darrin free.

"His feet are wired!" Nick shouted.

"He's got hunting socks and he won't share them!" Lard Nar snapped. "WE WANT HEAT!"

"Put your socks in our pockets for an hour!" White insisted.

"Let me hug your ankle!" Spleenk roared.

"HEAAAAT!" Skoodge howled, bouncing up and down on top of Darin, trying to force him to let go.

Suddenly Shloonktapooxis knocked on the door and they all turned at it to yell "WHAT?!" with such force it knocked the door down and White groaned, crawling out from under it.

"I've got good news!" He said.

"Good! Tell us so we can burn it for heat!" Tenn demanded.

"Meekrob called and they're sending us more supplies!" Shloonktapooxis said happily. They'll be in tomorrow morning! We just have to make sure the teleporter pad has got all the power we can supply and they'll be sending food, generators, fuel…"

Everyone cheered, jumping up into the air as time froze.

…

…

…

...it had taken Zim precisely one hour to give up. Now he was living in a boxcar with the same filthy hobo that had helped Dib with his sister problem. Zim looks AWFUL...he had dirt all over his body, scratches on his face, his antannae's small hairs had grown thicker and he smelled of rotten limes as flys whizzed around his head. The hobo was roasting a weenie on a stick, cooking it on a fire between him and Zim.

"Sigh. And that...is how I ended up living here in this boxcar with you, a filthy stinking hobo." He finished morosely.

There was a long moment of silence as the hobo thought about all this. Zim looked out of the boxcar, past the trees and saw his house's satellite dish sticking up. He sighed deeply, sadly. No servant, no girlfriend, no NORMAL friends, no technology, no HOUSE...

Zim was beginning to realize that his life was turning into one disaster after another. He wondered if this was "karma".

"I like weenies. I don't think I've eaten anything but weenies in twenty years." The Hobo, who was named Hobo, remarked as a white search van with a megaphone attached to the top blared by on the road.

"The city needs its Dinky. Please, do not deprive the children of their Dinky. If you stole him, return him immediately. The children are sad."

"I only hope that little monster hasn't totally destroyed my home. At least the power thingy is safe." Zim remarked.

"Oh, I know whatcha mean." Hobo said, chewing on his weenie.

Zim turned to look him over. "Eh?"

As the Hobo kept speaking, the weenie slipt out of his mouth and lodged in his beard. He didn't even notice. But it was then that Zim noticed pieces of other weenies lodged in the beard, which made him have to fight back the urge to vomit profusely.

"When I was a boy, my robot parents replaced me with a hybrid badger/monkey and threw me outta the house, too. I swore I'd get back in, just like you. But I never did and I been a hobo ever since. That'll show'em."

Zim tore at his antannae. "NO! I can't become a hobo! I have to clear the Earth for Irken control!"

"Yah, I had a mission to destroy life on Earth too. But you gotta ask yourself what's important to YOU."

Zim blinked. "Uh...huh..." He blinked. "...hmm. What would NICK do in this situation? He's usually got some-"

Then he had it. An idea came to him as he thought of that sentimental fool. "Wait! That's it! If I can get close enough to the parents, get them to do so by HUGGING them, I can reset their programming to put a stop to Dinky's rule over my domain!" He grinned. "BUT...In order to get close, I'll have to disguise myself as Dinky. I don't have access to my disguise machine though." He mumbled.

"When that happened to me, i just asked a hobo if I could use his beard as a furry disguise." Hobo remarked, shrugging.

"YES! It just might work! You! Filthy Hobo?" Zim asked, pointing at Hobo. "Can I use your beard as a furry disguise?"

"It'll never work."

"But it was your idea!" Zim protested.

"Okay then." The Hobo ripped his beard off.

…

…

…

...Zim stepped into the yard of his house. Wearing the beard all over his body like a coat and smelling badly, he did look SOMEWHAT Dinky-like. The lawn gnomes were littered everywhere, scattered along with shredded furniture. Zim shuddered in horror, then headed towards the large hole in the front yard where Dinky was chewing on a huge, sparking underground cable.

"Hey, Dinky..." Zim called out, grimacing as Dinky poked his head out of the hole. "I think they have all kinds of things in the house next door for you to destroy. Just look at all the... not broken stuff. Yahh... MMmHmmm. A job for DINKY!"

Dinky blinked, then jumped out of the hole, heading into the next house via the window.

"What the-? IT'S LIKE A BADGER... BUT MORE MONKEY LIKE! AGHHGHHGHHHHHHH!"

"AAAAAAA!" The Christmas Critters screamed, running out the front door and jumping down an open manhole to escape.

"...WOW." Zim blinked in amazement, mouth half open. "That was uhh... easier than I thought it would be. Maybe I should just wing it more often!"

Zim stepped back towards the house aaaaand...

Unfortunately, Dinky had seen through Zim's ruse. He jumped on Zim and began to throttle him. Snarling, Zim and Dinky bounced around the lawn, biting, clawing, scratching, kicking...did I mention biting? It was like something out of a nature program: "When Animals Attack"...

THREE HOURS OF BITTER FIGHTING LATER...

Zim grinned as he walked in victoriously, a tied-up, badly beaten Dinky behind him. Zim had finally taken Nick's advice: the nards are fair game. Zim was now so badly beaten over his eyes and his arms that he looked more Dinky-Like due to the swelling of his body. The INSIDE of the house looked even worse than it had in the morning...and the RoboParents were watching family videos on the TV...handheld footage of Dinky destroying things.

"Aw, remember when the new Zim ate through his first wall?" RoboDad asked in a sad tone.

"Yeah. It's too bad they gotta grow up." RoboMom agreed sorrowfully.

"Oh hey son, didn't hear you come in..." RoboDad remarked, noticing "New Zim", who made growling noises to imitate Dinky. "...something wrong, son?"

"Yes, you seems strange..." RoboMom remarked.

"Hug... RrrRRrrrGHH!" Zim grumbled out, holding up his arms.

"He's trying to talk! I think he wants a hug!" RoboMom said happily, holding her arms open as Zim moved towards her.

"He stinks like a weenie! I smell it. Yeeeah. A weenie. YA KNOWWWW?" GIR cheered happily, half-embedded in the wall.

Zim gave him a "YOU'RE NEXT AFTER THEM" look, but unfortunately RoboDad noticed it as well.

"Our little lunatic dog is right, honey. That IS weenie smell. And he's not eating through any furniture. He's just standing there. no hugs till he wrecks the place up a little bit."

"Heyyy... you're right. He IS strange..." RoboMom realized.

Desperately, Zim growled and started his OWN destructive rage. The videos were chewed on, the garbage was launched at high-speed out the remaining unbroken windows, he shredded the wallpaper...

"Awwww... That's our boy." RoboMom said cheerfully, holding her "hands" to her face. Zim turned around and opened his arms again for a "gimme a hug" gesture and was ABOUT to hug her when...

"Look what we found, son! It's one of those dangerous power thingies! Go on, chew on it! You love these!" RoboDad announed, holding up a sparkling hunk of debri.

Zim turned light green in fear. He gulped.

"C'mon, son! It isn't like you to not want to bite into exploding things."

"Maybe he's not our son at all..." RoboMom wondered.

"Weenie." GIR said, his eyes turning red for a moment.

Zim immediately grabbed the sparking debri and began gnawing on it. GIR's eyes returned to normal and now HE jumped on it, chewing as well. BOTH had waves of energy ripple through their body as RoboDad and RoboMom beamed.

"MOMENTS LIKE THESE JUST CALL FOR HUGGIN!" RoboDad announced, hugging Zim, who looked at "Mom".

"C'mon Mom! Give me a hug!"

"He did it! He can talk!" RoboMom gasped happily.

"I SURE CAN, YOU INSANE ROBOT! NOW HUG ME!" Zim said with totally fake sincerity, wishing he could take a tire iron to BOTH their heads. The moment SHE joined in...

SNATCH! Zim grabbed the Interface Device and shot them. ZAAAAAP!

They slumped over as Zim quickly made some adjustments on his tool, then pointed the Interface Device back at them, zapping them again. The two came to life once more!

"Welcome home, son!" RoboDad said happily, wheeling into the wall as RoboMom beat her own head. Zim breathed a sigh of relief, smiling.

"Ahhhhh. Everything's back to normal!" He commented.

BOOM! Two people in blue outfits with caps stormed in through the front door, pointing at Zim. "It's Dinky! Get him! C'mon, partner!"

"Wait!" Zim gasped. "I'm not-"

THWOOMP! A net surrounded his body and he was dragged out of his room, pulled kicking and screaming to the search van as the Hobo he'd taken the beard from counted a LARGE wad of search money, grinning to himself.

…

…

…

... "Hello?" Lard Nar was using the communicator again. "Planet Meekrob? Yes, yes, how have you been doing? Listen, I just want to talk to you about a few things. Don't get me wrong, you guys saved our lives down here, but the thing is…er…it's my office. Everyone here had such a strong aversion to freezing they basically burnt anything that couldn't move or salute!" Lard Nar informed the captain on the other end as he sat on his rump in a totally empty room…well, empty save for the communicator.

"Seriously, I'm talking to you from a REALLY empty room, captain! And I'd REALLY like another desk! I neeeeeed it! It makes me look important!"